April Day! Alitalia Si È Rotto

On August 1, airline industry analysts warned that high fuel costs were threatening to bankrupt more than 50 European airlines. The same day, The Financial Times reported that delivery of a rescue proposal for Italy's Alitalia Airlines would be delayed due to stalled merger negotiations. Days later, Silvio Berlusconi, Italy's Prime Minister, promised to save Alitalia from bankruptcy. 'We will perform another miracle and will offer a profitable national company, he said'. The Italian government owns 49% of Alitalia. The ensuing three weeks were filled with rumors of new investors and partners to save the troubled airline; until Thursday when it was confirmed that Alitalia had filed for bankruptcy protection.

You need to know that Alitalia history and Pavlov's Theory of Classical Conditioning to understand the impact this airline industry turbulence has had on me.

Anytime I hear the words Alitalia Airlines, the song Eh Cumpari plays in my head. The Italian novelty-song from the 1950's is about the different instruments from the orchestra playing the song. Julius La Rosa sang it, backed by Archie Bleyer's band. It's The Gaylords' cover of La Rosa's #1 hit that plays in my head. (I could only find La Rosa's version to put here.

for your entertainment).

Say "Alitalia" and I hear the whistle of the friscalettu; the toota of the saxofona; the pling of the mandulin; the zing of the viulin; the poppa-pop of the trumbetta and the story told during the extended instrumental bridge. It goes something like this:

I received a letter from my Uncla Guisseppe.
He tella me he heard from my Uncla Pasquale. Pasquale, he fly, he fly right into Italia. Onna big plane, he fly right into Italy.
They be in the air about 20 minutes an' the pilot, he come onto the radio.
"Hello, this is your cap-i-tan speaking. I just wonna tella you that earlier, we had a little bitta' trouble. Its-a all o.k. now, but I juss wanna to letta you know."
He be in the air about another 20 minutes an' the pilot, he come onto the radio.
"Hello, this is your cap-i-tan speaking. I just wonna tella you that we hadda a little bit more trouble. Its-a all o.k. now, but I juss wanna to letta you know."
He be in the air about another 20 minutes an' the pilot, he come onto the radio again.
"April Day! April Day! This is your cap-i-tan. We havin' a bigga trouble right now. We gonna haff to make a splash-down landing. All of the passengers, iffa you know how to swim, go to the right side of the airplane. All of the passengers, iffa you don't know how to swim, you go to the left side of the airplane.
After we hit the water, the people on the right - I tella you - you know how to swim, you swim to shore. We juss about 20 miles from shore. You gonna be o.k. The people on the left, those of you who do not know how to swim - I tella you - thanks a lot for flying Alitalia Airlines. (chorus)

I keep hearing on the news that Alitalia's bankrupt, but what I really hear is Tippity-Tippity-Ta!

[Eh Cumpari!]  [Alitalia Airlines]  [Silvio Berlusconi]
[Julius La Rosa]  [Archie Bleyer]  [The Gaylords]
[Pavlov: Classical Conditioning]

Finding Hope In A Strange Place

It ain't easy. It ain't easy.
Well all the people have got their problems,
That ain't nothing new.
With the help of the good Lord
We can all pull on through.

(written by Ron Davies,
performed by David Bowie on The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars)

It sure ain't easy.
It must be August since Andrew had surgery again; but it's all good, because I found Hope where I least expected it -
the refrigerator.

I was making a path to get something from the back of the fridge. I shifted the bag of meds to on top of the milk, moved the bowl of melon salad up one shelf, relocated the yogurt containers closer the juice carton and there it was:

OK, so it's just a magnetic word tile, but surely it is a sign.

Usually the word tiles are put together like this on the fridge door:

I am fuzzy with cheer and we be sunny giggle

Right now, we have he is Goofy and

I AM Lucky Amazing Special and Silly

It has to be a sign; because two days later, I saw this:

You don't have to clobber me over the head.

Tags: [Hope] [Omens] [Rainbows]
[Ron Davies] [David Bowie] [Ziggy Stardust]

Watch the latest videos on YouTube.com

Prank Turns Into Pane in the A$$

Three men in The Netherlands ran down a street in Utrecht with their pants pulled down in the back 'for a joke' ... At one point the 21-year-old 'pushed his behind against the window of a restaurant' that broke and resulted in 'deep wounds to his derriere.'    (More...)

The owner of the restaurant did not press charges after the men agreed to pay for the repairs to the window.
This would be a great story if the restaurant happened to be called The Full Moon Cafe.

No doubt, the unnamed 21-year old will be the butt of jokes from his friends for a while.

The Devil's in the moon for mischief [Lord Byron (from Don Juan)]

Addendum 6-4-08: I can't help but wonder, if this had occurred in a more litigious country, would the Mooner sue the restaurant for faulty glass resulting in the serious injury to his butt?

Tags: [The Netherlands]  [Mooning Prank]
[Lord Byron]  [Don Juan]
[Full Moon Cafe]

Bawling for Blessings

The annual Crying Sumo Competition took place in Tokyo yesterday.

In crying sumo the babies are held up by amateur sumo wrestlers in a ring, and the baby who cries first is the winner. If both babies cry, then the one that cries loudest wins. A total of 84 babies born last year participated in the contest at the temple.

Crying sumo is a blessing for healthy growth of the child.
I don't understand the competition of this. Is there a wail-off to determine the loudest crier of all babies presented? What prize does the loudest crier receive?

"I love winners when they cry, losers when they try." (Tom T. Hall)

Available at chapters.indigo.ca

Tags:[Crying Sumo]  [Sensoji Temple]  [Tom T. Hall]

Philadelphia - The Ugly Duckling

Travel and Leisure Magazine has completed its survey to rate 25 major U.S. cities based on various criteria including citizen attractiveness.

"According to 60,000 respondents to the magazine's online survey, Philadelphians are slightly more repulsive than Washingtonians (24), Dallasites (23) and San Antonions (22) but way uglier than Miamians (1), San Diegoans (2) and Charlestonians (3)." Read Hey! We're Not Just Fat - We're Ugly, Too

Philadelphia City Councilman Frank DiCicco had this to say about Miami: " 'Most people are walking around in thongs so everybody looks good there. But who can tell who lives there and who's just visiting? We have cold weather here so we're walking around for months with our noses running and our cheeks red and fur caps on our heads. How can you see what we look like under all that clothing?' "

Resident Fred Glick suggested that an editorial bias against brunettes and redheads figured in Philadelphia's low rating. "I hope we're closer to the top of the list for brains. It's more important," he told Dan Geringer of PhillyNews.

Philadelphia was ranked 14/25 when it came to intelligence. Miami came in at 23.

It's OK, Philly. You're the City of Brotherly Love and you've got a good personality.

None of us is as smart as all of us - Phil Condit
Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose - Robin Williams

Tags: [Philadelphia]   [Travel & Leisure Magazine]
[Miami]   [Dan Geringer]

Carp Diem

I'll be able to sleep at night now.
A report from scientists at Stanford University School of Medicine concludes that fish may suffer from insomnia.

In order to understand sleep disorders, Emmanuel Mignot and his team were looking at how the brain regulates sleep, by studying zebrafish. They report that "some zebrafish have a mutant gene that disrupts their sleep patterns in a way similar to insomnia in humans."

I find it a little surprising that fish have any difficulty sleeping. Sounds from nature, like water and ocean tides, are recommended to create a relaxing atmosphere, reduce stress and induce sleep. Based on that, I would expect the research to find that most fish slept a lot.

Maybe the comforting sonances create a high incidence of Hypersomnolence.

Maybe it's not really an issue, since fish don't have to get up and work in the morning.

O Captain, my Captain.
Carpe Noctis.

Tags: [Zebra Fish]   [Sleep Disorders]   [Insomnia]
[Public Library of Science-Biology]
[Stanford School of Medicine]   [Emmanuel Mignot]
[Dead Poet's Society]   [Walt Whitman] [Carpe Diem]

Revenge on Mad Max

It's Sunday, around noon.

John puts the leash on Buddy and they set out for a long walk. Buddy's exercise and weight loss plan requires a 2 km walk each day. They walk 100 yards down to the path that runs behind the school. A woman and 3 children are walking with their dog toward John and Buddy.

John discovers that this dog's name is Max after Max pulls and breaks his leash. He runs, with teeth bared, at Buddy, jumps and starts attacking. Max's owner calls his name, but he doesn't stop.

Buddy doesn't like this new dog, Max. He tries to defend himself, but the surprise attack has put him at a disadvantage. Eventually Max is contained but not before he has removed a chunk of Buddy's ear.

We administer some first aid but can't stop the bleeding from the wound. Buddy's 2 km workout turns into a 10km drive to the Veterinary Emergency Hospital.

Once cleaned and inspected, a local anaesthetic is administered and the wound is stapled close. For the next 7 days, we need to keep him from scratching or rubbing his ears. He is fitted with an Elizabethan collar, that doesn't make him feel regal in the slightest.

Wearing the cone will prevent him from removing the staples; but it also prevents him from getting a drink, ducking under the table to get crumbs, squeezing between my legs and the cupboard.

He bumps into everything. He is afraid to go downstairs. He is afraid to go up to the landing where his bed is. Every time he bumps into something, the noise frightens him. It makes him jump, which makes him bump into something, which makes the loud, irritating noise that frightens him.

Sporting his piercings and sans collar, I took Buddy for a walk last night. Not too far, not strenuous. He was begging to go - maybe showing off his new Goth style (staples with his black toenails) would be good for his spirit. I studied all the other dogs on leashes looking for Max. Two times a dog got near and Buddy stopped and just laid down.

One meeting with Max has turned Buddy into '... a shell of a dog, a burnt out, desolate dog, a dog haunted by demons, a dog who wandered out into the wasteland. And it will be here, in this blighted place, that he learns to live again... (Taken from MadMax 2: The Road Warrior)



Once Buddy gets his spirit back, you'd better look out Max!

Photo of dog wearing Elizabethan collar from
The Fun Times Guide

Tags: [Dog Bites]   [First-Aid for Pets]
[Healing and Rejuvenation]   [Mad Max]

Hyphens At-Risk

The most recent punctuation species to hit the endangered list: the hyphen.

The new Shorter Oxford English Dictionary has new spellings of 16,000 words. Formerly-hyphenated words appear in this new edition as either compound nouns (pigeonhole) or two separate words (pot belly).

" 'People are not confident about using hyphens anymore, they're not really sure what they are for," said Angus Stevenson, editor of the Shorter OED, the sixth edition of which was published this week.' "

Stevenson is quick to point out, however, that there is still a place for the hyphen in modern language - twenty-odd people came to the party; or was it twenty odd people?

In 2002, Florida candidate Patrick Feheley sued opponent Candice Brown-McElyea over a hyphen. He accused her of hyphenating her name to secure a better position on the ballot. Had she not changed her name prior to the election, Feheley's name would have been listed first on the ticket.

I never would have guessed that a gung-ho dictionary editor could be such a rabble-rouser.

There are a great many hyphens left in America. For my part, I think the most un-American thing in the world is a hyphen. —Woodrow Wilson, speech, 1919

Tags: [Short Oxford English Dictionary] [Angus Stevenson]
[Patrick Feheley] [Candice Brown-McElyea]
[The Hyphen] [Woodrow T. Wilson]

Lassie?

Just after I posted about the intelligence of different dog breeds, this story breaks:

Dog's Barking Leads To Rescue Of 2 Kayakers (Print Story)
	(Video Link)

Of course, the Hero was a Border Collie (#1 intelligent breed).

A dog is not 'almost human' and I know of no greater insult to the canine race than to describe it as such. -John Holmes

Tags: [Pets] [Heroic Animals/Pets] [Animal Planet]

Sadly Mistaken

Mistakes happen. If a first step is to admit the mistake, a next step must be to make changes so that the error isn't repeated. Making mistakes and learning from them can be empowering. In ancient times, it was thought that fixing one's mistakes cultivated virtue.

From the Even Bookmarks Have Expiry Dates file:
Bessie Ellison Elementary School in Missouri distributed HIV/AIDS - awareness bookmarks to the grade 6 class. A student dialed the number printed on the bookmark and it connected to a hardcore sex hot-line.
The toll-free number was once owned by Teens Teaching AIDS Prevention, part of the Kansas City-based nonprofit Good Samaritan Project. However, the AIDS hot line has not been functional since last year and a sex hot line has since taken over the number.

From the Always Check The Source of the Fax file:
Officials in Kentucky mistakenly released a prisoner from a facility after receiving a phony fax that ordered him freed, and it took them nearly two weeks to realize it.
The fax contained grammatical errors, was not typed on letterhead and was sent from a local grocery store. The fax falsely claimed that the Kentucky Supreme Court "demanded" Timothy Rouse be released.
Rouse, 19, is charged with beating an elderly man and was at the Kentucky Correctional & Psychiatric Center in La Grange for a mental evaluation. He was released after officials received the fake court order.

From the Good Fences Make Good Neighbors file:
A 2 1/2-kilometre barrier along the U.S.-Mexico border was designed to keep cars from illegally crossing into the United States. It was accidentally built on Mexican soil. The barrier was part of more than 24 kilometres of border fence built in 2000.

	Here's hoping a teacher checks the phone number on bookmarks next time; prison officials verify release orders every time; and border officials will measure twice.
(Click to enlarge)

"If you know that you made a mistake and you don't correct it, that's truly a mistake." (Confucius)


Tags: [Despair Incorporated Satirical Products]
[Good Samaritan Project]
[U.S. Customs & Border Protection]
[Confucius]

Stumbling on Melons *

Dug up from The Canadian Press (June 1, 2007) :

Archaeologists in Japan unearthed the world's oldest melon. It was intact, the flesh still attached to the rind, after 2100 years. The Research Institute for Humanity & Nature in Kyoto used radiocarbon testing to determine the age of the fruit.

Researcher Shuji Yamazaki explains: the melon might have been so well-preserved because it was in a vacuum-packed state in a wet layer below the ground, an environment hostile to micro-organisms that might otherwise have broken down the remains.

The ancient Shimongo settlement was built near water and protected by moats, circa 300 BC to A.D. 300.

So, it looks like even 2100 years ago, people liked to have melon after they swim...Wayne didn't start that!

All I can say is that my life is pretty plain....

* Andrew Marvell (1621-1678): "The nectarine, and curious peach, / Into my hands themselves do reach; / Stumbling on melons, as I pass, / Ensnared with flowers, I fall on grass."


[Oldest Melon Discovered] [Blind Melon]
[Shuji Yamazaki] [Melon Salad]

Well Heeled

They're here. Convertibles for your feet.
Lauren Handel introduces The Camileon- shoes with retractable heels.

Handel describes making the conversion: You simply would just pull down on the lower half of the heel, you push straight under and then push straight back.
	Discussion on Today New York

In seconds it converts from a 3-¼ inch heel to 1-½ inch heel. The mechanical design was developed by Handel's brother, but the styling and production is Italian. '"There's no one like the Italians when it comes to footwear," said Handel.'
Prices start at $260.

It's really hard to walk in a woman's shoes -- that's why you sometimes need really special shoes! (Sex and the City, Season 6, Episode 9: A Woman's Right to Shoes)


Tags: [Camileon Heels] [Lauren Handel] [Eneslow Shoes]
[Sex and the City]

Sacrilege

After 3 + years without eating, there is little I miss. I've adapted - gotten used to not eating. I don't feel hunger and that makes it a little easier.

I will confess that there is something I miss:

Now, here I am, on the verge of enjoying food again, and this: the Chocolate Manufacturers Association has a petition in front of the FDA to alter the definition of chocolate.

According to Bloomberg News correspondent Adam Satariano,

They want to make it without the required ingredients of cocoa butter and cocoa solids, using instead artificial sweeteners, milk substitutes, and vegetable fats such as hydrogenated and trans fats.

Thankfully, this has been brought out! Don't Mess With Our Chocolate is a website started by Guittard Chocolate. According to Guittard, the purpose of the site is " to provide information regarding how to get involved in saving the real chocolate that we all love and enjoy."

Concerned consumers from around the world can register their comments on the CMA application. The FDA has extended the comment period until June 25, 2007.

Life is like a box of chocolates - you never know what you're going to get. Looks like that might be more true than Forrest ever knew.

I'll go ahead and tag this post, but Technorati's been having some technical difficulties.

[Chocolate]
[Chocolate Manufacturers Association] [Bloomberg News]
[Forrest Gump] [Chocolate is Good For You]
[Guittard Chocolate] [Technorati]

Endless Imus

After major advertisers pulled out of his popular morning show, Imus in the Morning, MSNBC dropped its simulcast of Don Imus' WFAN show on April 11, 2007. The following day, CBS radio, owner of Sports Radio 66AM, cancelled his show altogether.

Over the next 4 days, the U.S. news was consumed with talk of The Don Imus Firing. Imus had already begun his N.J./N.Y. apology tour, but it was too late.

In the past year, we've heard about Mel Gibson's rant, Michael Richards' tirade, Isaiah Washington's repeated use of the f-word and now Imus.

Still, it seems we haven't learned. Take the case of the NYPD Sergeant who is alleged to have insulted his officers by referring to the three women as "hos", during roll call. The alleged incident is said to have occurred April 15^th.

And Pennsylvania's WSBG-FM Morning Man, Gary Smith, who turned Imus' tasteless insult to the Rutgers Women's Basketball Team into the daily Phrase that Pays. The station awarded prizes to 3 listeners on April 12^th who called in to claim prizes using the winning phrase.

Today, CBS Radio suspended (without pay) another morning show. WFNY-FM's Dog House on-air personalities J.V. & Elvis, twice aired what was described as "a racially charged prank call". Where was the producer on this one? Hard to believe not even one person on the crew ever said, What could possibly go wrong with this?

At least Mel and Michael went away. Isaiah would, if he ever stopped raising it. But Imus, Imus! It seems I can't escape Imus references.

My fear is that the Imus references will fade and the very next day, Sirius Satellite Radio will announce a show featuring [ta-da] DON IMUS!

[Don Imus] [CBS Radio] [J.V. & Elvis]
[Mel Gibson] [Michael Richards] [Isaiah Washington]
[Sirius Radio]

Jeeper Creeper

We're selling the Concorde in The Auto Trader. The last time I sold a car in The Auto Trader, it sold in 12 hours. That time, the ad was posted at midnight and I had cash from the buyer by noon. That car was a beater. This one's not.

I almost had the car sold before the ad was even posted. Once the ad was on the site and in the 'zine, the phone calls began. One call in particular creeped me out. I answered his questions about the vehicle and asked when he wanted to see it.
"Is the car at your home, at..." he stated my address.

I hadn't given him my address. I paused. He said that he had done a Reverse Look Up on my phone number and that's how he knew my address. He also had directions to the house, courtesy of Mapquest. For all I know, he was already looking at the car using the internet and Google Maps - Satellite. OK, you can't see the driveway on the satellite shot, but it's creepy.

Reverse Look Up gets its information from the telephone directory. As long as our phone number is published in the local book, our number is available to be Reversely-Looked-Up. Even if we requested an unlisted number, our number would still be available on the Reverse site. It's only if we change our status to unpublished that we could be excluded from their database, sometime in the next 3-6 months.

I did a Reverse Look Up on our telephone number, which is silly, because I know where I live. Then I clicked on the 'Find Your Neighbors' option, which, is also silly, because I already know our neighbors. The displayed results did not include our neighbors. It listed people who live on our street, but not the families who are really our neighbors. Which is odder, considering neither of our neighbors has an unpublished telephone number.

Imagine if I chose one of my new-found neighbors and knocked on his front door, (or maybe I should go to the side door? We're neighbors, after all.) and asked him to water our plants while we're away. Then I could explain that I found out he was my neighbor from Reverse Look Up on the internet. Then he could go to his computer and do a reverse look up and find some of his neighbors...

It's like that one Auto-Creeper set in motion a new version of Pay it Forward.

This version encourages Random Acts of Oddness, instead.

A neighbor is someone who can get to your house in less than a minute, and takes 2 hours to get back home. - O. A. Battista


[Reverse Lookup]   [Creepy]   
[Used Cars]   [Pay It Forward]

Saying Goodbye

It's been at least 10 years since we first met. I knew in an instant that it was a heaven-sent match.

Over these past few years things have been different. You noticed it too. We've grown apart. Lately when I saw you, I was filled with such guilt that I had passed you by, without a glance.

I warmly remember the comfort you gave, unconditionally. The patience you reminded me to have. And hope. When we were together, it was easy to believe that anything was possible. A hug from you around my waist bestowed upon me great strength.

I will miss you, dear friend. You have provided an abundance of memories. It's time for me to heed the advice from so many and move on.

Today, with sadness, I discarded my favorite jeans in the universe.

I'll be OK.

Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened. - Dr. Seuss (1904-1991)

Tagged at Technorati: [Dr. Seuss]    [Blue Jeans]

No Laughing Matter

I like laughter.

Not giggles, but cracking up. I mean cachinnations that make you cry, or snort or shake, or make your cheeks hurt or all of the above.

I've heard someone laugh so hard she doesn't make a real noise. She can't catch her breath and all that you hear is machine gun-like gasps of 'aeh-aeh-aeh-aeh-aeh'. I've seen it happen that by the time a laugh-er settles down, he can't even remember what was so funny in the first place. And then, when he does remember, it doesn't seem so funny at all anymore.

It's probably safe to say we all have a 'laughed so hard that...' tale. Maybe you, or someone you know spit out his drink; had grape juice come out of her nose; made himself sick. (Food out the nose outdoes run-of-the-mill incontinence).

I have never seen someone laugh so hard that THIS happens.

"We don't stop laughing because we grow old; We grow old because we stop laughing” - Michael Pritchard

If every word I said could make you laugh, I'd talk forever.
Laughing at the dinner table can be painful.
It's all fun and games until someone swallows a spoon.

Editing Clutter

My memory has 3 distinct compartments: Short term, Long term and Sticky-note.

Science proves that every human brain has the first two. The Sticky-note section is where I keep a wide variety of information and sometimes I return to it. It's not a 'To-Do-List', it's actually a scrap of paper, where I've jotted a note and stuck it to the side of my brain like a Post-It note. Today I am clearing up the Post-It clutter.

I started by riffling through the Post-It notes like an animated scene in the margins of a dollar store book. Sometimes, the snippet is no more useful than the guitar riff from My Sharona. It's safe to get rid of it. More stuff like that will end up back there anyway.

Sometimes I just can't decide whether to commit it to the brain, or toss it away. I don't know why I put this stuff on the note in the first place...there's just something about it.

Like this, from Mark Steyn:
On the other hand, to spot the drawbacks in your medical treatment, you first have to be getting some. and
The default mode of any government system is to "control health-care costs" by providing less health care. (National Review, "Talk About Sicko")

Or, from Jeremy:
Would he be more receptive if he was more involved in the process?

Or, this, which I adapted from an Anonymous Poster:
If we just met and you asked me how I was, I'd say "great". If I knew you, I'd say "good" and if you were my best friend I'd tell you I was "o.k." I don't know you, so let me tell you the truth: "I don't feel well."

And potential posts like:
The parallels between my situation and a 1982 Capri (I should probably commit this since it really only appeals to me and Wayne...Done.)
A love-hate relationship with food.
Blog Auditions
Post a better description of the strangle-hold that Time has.

Some quick lines from the weekend:
Do you know you have an IV in your car?
Laundry is like meatloaf. It's a comfort activity.
This isn't about making capital improvements to accommodate TPN for the next 50 years.
The working group is very focused.

'But Gordie, it's a school night.' Wait, that one can go.

Go to No Access to Health Treatment

I-scream. You-scream.

I was outlining the time it takes in one day to run my Nutrition/Hydration program. [You can read it here. ]

That exercise made me appreciate our ice cream maker. Vanilla ice cream is only ever 25 minutes away. Slight variations: Smarties, Cherry-Vanilla, Mint Chocolate Chip.

'What about chocolate ice cream?' you ask. I don't make it anymore. Like I have time to chop the chocolate, mix it with milk, heat it, cool it, add more ingredients, mix it again, pour it into the machine and then freeze it!

I don't eat ice cream, yet it gives me comfort to know that vanilla ice cream is 25 minutes away.

---

Without ice cream, there would be darkness and chaos. ~Don Kardon (U.S. Olympian)

Go to No Access to Health Treatment

[Ice Cream]