Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts

January 14, 2009

Heated Argument Ends In Gore

Ashley Sherlinki, of Luzerne County, PA was arrested and charged with simple assault and harassment Sunday night after she allegedly impaled her boyfriend, Eric Dixon, with a meat thermometer. Read More...

Sherlinki threw the thermometer when Dixon opened the door, after she'd been banging on the door. The nature of her beef was not revealed in the article.

I've no doubt that West Wyoming Police grilled Sherlinki in the interrogation room during the investigation.
The media is likely to skewer Sherlinki, as this type of event is rare in Wyoming PA, a town of about 3400.
I'm certain that Sherlinki will express some degree of remorse at her court appearance later this month.
Her goose is cooked!


March 20, 2007

Apple Pie Order

Nobody can tell a story the way my Uncle Angelo can. Recently, he related the following story. I hope I have done it justice.

In 1953, a strapping high school graduate named Angelo Pellegata, left his hometown of Detroit, Michigan to attend Adams State College in Colorado.

Angelo had offers to play football from some Big 10 schools, including Michigan and Michigan State. But it was Adams State College that courted him best. It was clear they wanted him. He wore # 48 for the Grizzlies.

Angelo was the Freshman Class Representative at Adams. This is a position of some prestige. In the fall of his freshman year, Margaret Mundy invited him to be her guest at the Sadie Hawkins Dance. Angelo thought it would be a white tie affair and was impeccably dressed in his finest suit. Off to the dance they went.

Upon their arrival, Angelo was surprised to see that dungarees was the dress code. He was the only student dressed formally. This did not dissuade him from entertaining his date and the other students. Uncle Angelo has a good time wherever he goes.

Partway through the evening, the emcee called 4 young men to the front of the hall. Angelo was among Gino, Donny and Tom, three upperclassmen. They were seated behind a table, facing the crowd. The emcee announced that a pie-eating contest was about to commence. The students gathered around to watch and cheer on the participants.

You have to understand that Angelo is a competitor. Today, at 70, he says: "I'm a better football player than Carl or Kenneth or Dean." These are his children. Adults now, they are tremendous athletes. Each of the Pellegata boys has played football at elite levels: from City Championships through State Finals and a few NCAA National Championship games.

Back to the story:
As the only freshman at the pie-eating table, Angelo felt he owed it to his class to eat more pies than the others in this contest. He knew he could do it.

Several pies were laid out before him. A blindfold was carefully placed over his eyes. "Go," the emcee roared to start the competition. Angelo dug in. Using his hands, he shovelled through the first pie. Then another. Then another. Even now, he describes the pies as "very tasty". He managed to eat some of the pies, wore some, and dropped some more. It wasn't important. What mattered was getting through more pies than Gino and Tom and Donny.

Angelo could hear the students cheering. "C'mon, Gino," someone yelled. "You've almost got him, Tom," hollered another student. Angelo, determined to win, dug into his fourth pie. The emcee called out, "Stop!".

The crowd was roaring its approval. Sure of his victory, Angelo slid the blindfold off his head...

..and discovered that he was alone at the table. The only one wolfing down the pies!

The whole thing was a set up. Gino, Donny and Tom had conspired against him. Margaret Mundy had been in on it the entire time. He could have lost his cool over the prank, but he didn't. Angelo could take it. And he could give it, too.

Uncle Ange always gets even. I have a strong suspicion Donny, Gino and Tom got their just desserts. Well, maybe not Tom.

Photo top right: Angelo Pellegata, 1953, from
The Conquistador (ASC Yearbook)

Photo at left: Angelo Pellegata, March 2007.

Photo credit: Michelle Henderson

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January 29, 2007

Wedding Thriller

Who doesn't love a wedding? Who doesn't love a wedding reception?

This ain't no Bird-Dance! Check out a great wedding dance:



My family, with well-founded Motown roots, boasts our own 'Dancin'-Machina'...but Patricia is looking pretty pale compared to this.

January 22, 2007

Rapid-Fire V : Out of Ammo

Really, we're not lost. We're following the directions I got from the internet. We're on turn #17. You have to follow the link...the page was too large to post here directly...


This time if Laura asks, "Is that the same McDonald's?"
It is.

OK...this was funny before the Google™ engineer pulled over and asked for directions....If you missed it, the directions included making more than 50 consecutive U-turns at shorter intervals (which would have resulted in increasingly smaller concentric circles), to get to the destination. Some of the U-turns were after traveling just 1 ft.

Rapid-Fire III : Under Fire

A new survey out of Britain indicates that
Breakfast in Bed Improves Mood. Respondents reported that their day got off to a better start if they were brought breakfast in bed.

I guess it's the sound of me laughing so hard that raises your spirits.

Rapid-Fire II


If you lost your job in 2006,
you need to update your resume.

Remember to include
Person of the Year (2006)
in your list of accomplishments and achievements.

Rapid-Fire

January 22 is the Most Miserable Day of the Year.
(with a mathematical formula to prove it)

It's also Answer Your Cat's Question Day.
Q: Meow.
A: Meow.

Yesterday was Squirrel Appreciation Day.

January 19, 2007

No Laughing Matter

I like laughter.

Not giggles, but cracking up. I mean cachinnations that make you cry, or snort or shake, or make your cheeks hurt or all of the above.

I've heard someone laugh so hard she doesn't make a real noise. She can't catch her breath and all that you hear is machine gun-like gasps of 'aeh-aeh-aeh-aeh-aeh'. I've seen it happen that by the time a laugh-er settles down, he can't even remember what was so funny in the first place. And then, when he does remember, it doesn't seem so funny at all anymore.

It's probably safe to say we all have a 'laughed so hard that...' tale. Maybe you, or someone you know spit out his drink; had grape juice come out of her nose; made himself sick. (Food out the nose outdoes run-of-the-mill incontinence).



I have never seen someone laugh
so hard that THIS happens.




"We don't stop laughing because we grow old; We grow old because we stop laughing” - Michael Pritchard

If every word I said could make you laugh, I'd talk forever.
Laughing at the dinner table can be painful.
It's all fun and games until someone swallows a spoon.

January 18, 2007

In Florida...

Get the story from Local 6 News (with video clip)
Hooters Sign Changed
after Teacher Complains


(or just read the transcript)


First - I know... I shouldn't have given credit to the source.

Second - Maybe a Hooters operating across from a Middle School sends the wrong message to students...not the sign encouraging plagiarism.

Third - Who'da thought? Plagiarism is spelled correctly on the Hooters sign!

January 17, 2007

The Accident-al Tourists

For the past number of years, one of the family travels to Aruba in January and spends a week vacationing with my parents. First went Michelle and Lju, then Lori and Max, then Roni and Wayne. In the fourth year, Joe and Ginette went and then Jeremy and Sarah. Now, it's the grandchildren's turn to go. Shannon and Kara were the first of the second generation to spend some quality vacation time with their grandparents.

Below is a recap of the three sides to the adrenaline rush of last week.

As told by Shannon:


Mom, my life flashed before my eyes several times.
We went off-roading in a Toyota Yaris with Gramma.

We were driving on cow paths that even the cows thought were too dangerous to use. At one point we stopped and Gramma pointed to a hill and said, 'that's the direction we want to go.' She asked me to go to the top of the hill and see what was on the other side. I hiked up the mountain and looked over. It was a sheer cliff. A straight drop to the ocean below.

Kara: We saw the most beautiful beach. So tranquil. So serene. Turquoise water, pure white sand. It was absolutely awesome.
(laughing) We'd been to the beach before Gramma almost killed us on the cliff, so I was at peace. Having seen the most beautiful spot in the world, it was OK to die.

I was in the backseat. I was praying. I mean it. Praying for real. We weren't really close to being killed. When we were on the sunset cruise, we saw the lighthouse that was on the hill where Gramma nearly killed us. Having already seen it up close, it was less impressive from the ocean.

Gramma: It was gr-reat having the girls with us this past week and in spite of what you may have heard from them, I never once put them in any peril...regardless of what they say. I want you to know that I stopped before we were going to go over the cliff. They wanted an adventure and I was the one to offer it to them...

I found this at the Aruba website: Car rentals are available, but most people prefer to rent a 4-wheel drive jeep because Aruba's terrain can be rugged in remote areas.

Now maybe our children will believe us when we say that in the 1970's, Gramma used to jump the Rossland bridge in her Cadillac. That's how cool your Gramma is.

Kara's going to be a Diplomat, for sure...in her version: We weren't really close to being killed,...


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January 12, 2007

Knit-Wit

Beth was following up on my knitting progress. She reminded me that I must take time for myself, hence her suggestion to take up knitting. "Stop doing things for other people," she chastised. "You have enough to deal with, already."

Her work is all about the touchy-feely stuff. She commented that I deserved to be well, and I don't disagree, but I was trying to clarify a point.
It would be great if all lives could be lived without any pain. I explained that we must actively manage our responses to the pain. One cannot be consumed by his/her circumstances. That would lead to impotence and despair. "Everyone deserves something, and attitude plays an important role in defining what that thing is," I finished. "So, can I get you something to drink?"

Still need to work on that 'doing-things-for-people' part.
Go ahead, ask me how the knitting's coming along...it's knot.

December 22, 2006

Giving Cancer the Boot

My sister Roni has been undergoing chemotherapy as part of a continued treatment plan for breast cancer.

Roni is obsessed with boots. All kinds of boots. Boots that go to the knee or over the knee. Boots that go just to the ankle and some that rise to mid-calf. Shoes that look like boots. Spike heel. Platform. She probably even has boots without a heel. Snake skin, eel, leather, suede. Power boots. Comfort boots.

Boots. She loves boots.

To every treatment, Roni wears a different pair of boots. Technicians, oncologists and other patients notice her always remarkable boots.

Her fifth chemotherapy treatment was Thursday. Wednesday, she wrote:

My Man is AMAZING. Knowing that I'm more than a little bummed about a chemo Christmas,...he did what every good husband ought to do.

He went out and bought me a pair of killer black boots with wee spiky heels and gave them to me before Christmas so that I could wear them to my chemo treatment in the morning.

Ya' gotta' really love a man that knows the emotional value of a good pair of kick-ass leather boots.
I guess it's true, what they say - every cloud has a leather lining.

December 21, 2006

That Song Sounds a Little Flat

Last night, Jessica's hockey team completed their usual training at CIA. Normally, Jess and Rebecca are the last ones out of the dressing room. Sometimes it's Jess and Liz. This time it was Jessica and Mindy. No matter, Jess is always last out.

Coach Mark always waits until the last player is finished before he leaves. Last night, his daughter Maddy, wasn't even at the practice, and Mark still waited. Each week, Mark teases Jess about being the final player to leave. It's a bit they do.

In the parking lot, Jess was throwing her gear into the trunk. Mark was parked beside us. He backed out of his spot. At the same time, Jessica decided to pull her MP3 player and phone out of her pocket. She dropped the music player onto the laneway.

And Mark drove over it with his Jimmy. Now those music files are really compressed.

November 21, 2006


A speculator waited in line for days. Through the wind and rain. He needed to be among the first into the store to guarantee he would get the hot new Sony Playstation 3 gaming system.

No doubt, he rubbed his hands together imagining the profits he was going to make when he sold the console on ebay. The talk was that a system might fetch as much as $1500 if sold online.

His auction closed at $10.

Does that even cover the cost of warm drinks while holding that spot in line?

November 09, 2006

Great with Dead People

Michelle came out for a few days...'to be Chris' she was saying.

She drove the girls to school, picked them up, drove Jess to work, picked her up, Andrew's orthodontist appointment. Made trips to the store, to the post office, to pick up forgotten clothing, and made some really great dinners! Truly, thank you, sister. You made a difference.

Her 'Chris-ness' initiation began at the hospital with us for Andrew's surgery. To keep Andrew relaxed, she made a funny comment in the waiting room. We all laughed. Then Andrew said, "Gee, Auntie. You're pretty funny."

"I'm funny in tough situations. I'm hilarious when people die!" she loudly exclaimed.

"It's true," I confirmed. "She's great with dead people."

It really is true. The more critical the situation, the sharper Michelle's wit. I'm not sure that everyone in the surgical waiting room could appreciate it, is all.

November 08, 2006

Mesmerized

I was stopped behind a vehicle with this on the back window:



I finished reading the ad and noticed that I was getting sleepy.

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October 31, 2006

Not Looking for Commitment

When you need a date but you're not into the club-scene, or the online-thing hasn't worked out so well...

Makes me think of Billboard Dad!

October 26, 2006

Interference

Here's something you don't hear everyday:

Hands on hips, Andrew stood in the living room and hollered,

"Hey! Who left their I.V. pole in the middle of the room? Jeez!"


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October 24, 2006

Robbers Hit Jackpot. Not!


Long before The Italian Job, Dortmunder et al. had Bank Shot . (Donald E. Westlake, 1972)

John Dortmunder had to
have been in on
this heist



.

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October 19, 2006

Carpet Bombing?

A van went screaming up the street, slowed at the stop sign then raced to the light. Emblazened on the side of the vehicle was the logo and name of a carpet and floor cleaning company along with "Emergency Response Unit".

I have to ask, when does carpet/floor cleaning require an Emergency Response Unit?
Imagine this scenario:

"Good afternoon, thank you for calling Our Carpet Cleaning Company. How may I help you?"

[panic stricken] "Oh my gosh! I just spilled red wine on my carpet and the Governor General is coming to dinner tonight. Can you help me?"

"We'll be right there! Stay where you are. Don't touch anything! We're on our way."

A crew puts on their teflon protected jackets, jumps into the specially-equipped Econoline, hits the siren and speeds away!

Puh-lease!

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