Must Be an ACME Product
My Dad asked me if I knew how to control problem chipmunks. My parents have an acre of beautiful gardens and ponds that is being destroyed by the out-of-control chipmunk population. They have considered calling in an animal psychologist to discover why so many of these rodents are committing suicide each night.++ You see, each morning, my parents fish several drowned chipmunks out of the pool.
I asked around and searched the web. Many message board tips suggest using large pails of water to drown the chipmunks. Another site informs of the product Sweeney's Poison Peanuts. Toxic products may affect secondary wildlife, i.e. the animal that eats the dead chipmunk that was poisoned. Besides, I have an allergy to peanuts.
A reputable garden center gave me the real deal: Mange killed off coyotes and foxes in Ontario a couple of years ago. The species have not been able to repopulate yet to a number that can control the populations of small wildlife. The solution to my parents' problem, I was told, is to spray coyote urine all over the property. The chipmunks will think that coyotes are nearby and leave.
"Do you sell coyote urine?" I asked.
"No," the agriculturalist answered.
I told my Dad what I had learned. He didn't want to ask around for coyote urine, so I suggested a remedy that I know works to rid gardens of other invasive wildlife.
Then I found it! Coyote Urine, 2 -16 oz bottles for sale.
If that isn't crazy enough, the description states "We are very proud of our urine. I am personal friends with our supplier and know of the great care that they put into producing quality urine. I know their animals..."
The seller has a great feedback rating and he does offer insured shipping...I'm not sure what the duty charges would be... Is coyote urine a hazardous material?
Tags: [Nuisance Chipmunks] [Wildlife Control] [Coyote Urine] [ACME Products] [ebay™]
[Wile E. Coyote] [Mange]
++ This joke used without permission or credit. Unless acknowledging that it's not my joke counts as giving credit.
4 comments:
There is a site that ships free to Canada. You can buy Coyote, Bobcat, Fox, Wolf and Mountain Lion pee with scent tags. I never thought that there was such a business!!! I'm still laughing here in Indiana....
I'd like to know how they get the coyote to pee in the bottle!
Perhaps our parents should refer to your earlier post on positive parenting (Parent by the way is not a verb - it is a noun - We do not parent our children, we raise them - wait where did I read that, was that Dr. Spock, or Dr. Suess?) But I digress, clearly our parents have raised depressed chipmunks, perhaps their mother's hadn't nursed them as babies? Perhaps they do not have positive self- esteem. Oh for goodness sakes, perhaps our parents ought to buy themselves a b-b gun.
A b.b. gun?
He could shoot his eye out with a b.b. gun!
For the record, from the dictionary...parenting is both a transitive and intransitive verb:
par·ent·ed, par·ent·ing, par·ents
v. tr.
To act as a parent to; raise and nurture:
"A genitor who does not parent the child is not its parent" (Ashley Montagu).
To cause to come into existence; originate.
v. intr.
To act as a parent.
[Middle English, from Old French, from Latin parēns, parent-, from past active participle of parere, to give birth; see perə-1 in Indo-European roots.]
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