Must Be an ACME Product

My Dad asked me if I knew how to control problem chipmunks. My parents have an acre of beautiful gardens and ponds that is being destroyed by the out-of-control chipmunk population. They have considered calling in an animal psychologist to discover why so many of these rodents are committing suicide each night.⁺⁺ You see, each morning, my parents fish several drowned chipmunks out of the pool.

I asked around and searched the web. Many message board tips suggest using large pails of water to drown the chipmunks. Another site informs of the product Sweeney's Poison Peanuts. Toxic products may affect secondary wildlife, i.e. the animal that eats the dead chipmunk that was poisoned. Besides, I have an allergy to peanuts.

A reputable garden center gave me the real deal: Mange killed off coyotes and foxes in Ontario a couple of years ago. The species have not been able to repopulate yet to a number that can control the populations of small wildlife. The solution to my parents' problem, I was told, is to spray coyote urine all over the property. The chipmunks will think that coyotes are nearby and leave.

"Do you sell coyote urine?" I asked.
"No," the agriculturalist answered.

I told my Dad what I had learned. He didn't want to ask around for coyote urine, so I suggested a remedy that I know works to rid gardens of other invasive wildlife.

Then I found it! Coyote Urine, 2 -16 oz bottles for sale.

If that isn't crazy enough, the description states "We are very proud of our urine. I am personal friends with our supplier and know of the great care that they put into producing quality urine. I know their animals..."

The seller has a great feedback rating and he does offer insured shipping...I'm not sure what the duty charges would be... Is coyote urine a hazardous material?


Tags: [Nuisance Chipmunks] [Wildlife Control] [Coyote Urine] [ACME Products] [ebay™]
[Wile E. Coyote] [Mange]


⁺⁺ This joke used without permission or credit. Unless acknowledging that it's not my joke counts as giving credit.

Random Recommendation

I came upon a crew from Humane Wildlife Control Inc. while I was walking the dog. They were evicting squirrels from a home in the neighborhood.

The ad on the van indicated they offered control of raccoons, squirrels, bats, mice, skunks and birds. I asked the rep, who was at ground level, if they also offered service for chipmunk problems.

"No," he replied. "Coyotes control chipmunks. If you have a problem with chipmunks, you need a coyote. A fox might do it too." (I don't have a problem with chipmunks, I was asking for someone else who does.)

I checked out the triple extension ladder the crew used to get to the rooftop and it gave me an idea. "Would you be able to replace the downspout on my house?" I asked. We've needed this done since the fall. It was a job nobody wanted to do, so it was languishing on the To-Do List.

I explained that our extension ladder didn't stretch far enough for us to reach the eave where the downspout had disconnected.

Manny came to check it out. We had all the pieces of the downspout. We needed a screw to hold it together at the eave and some new strapping on the lower section. His son held the ladder and Manny reassembled the drain system and fastened it securely at the eave.

"Promise me that you'll replace the lower strapping today. If you wait, you'll end up with the same problem," he warned.
I promised it would be done.

He wouldn't even accept a cold drink for his trouble. He passed me a stack of fridge magnets to distribute and said, "If you have a problem with wildlife, make sure you call me."

Humane Wildlife Control Inc. offers service throughout Ontario and Quebec. If you have a problem with nuisance wildlife, call them.


Tags: [Wildlife Control] [SPCA]
[Humane Society] [Nuisance Wildlife]

Latest in Home Repair

From, The Times, June 26, 2007:

Haynes manuals, the bible of home car mechanics, are branching out to take on a particularly tricky and temperamental model – the teenager.

The publishing company, which specialises in step-by-step guides to vehicle repair, has swapped horse power for hormones in an attempt to broaden its market now that cars are all but DIY-proof. Read the rest of the story...

At amazon.com, a search under the topic of 'parenting' results in more than 82,000 titles. I guess it wouldn't hurt to have one more!

When you need a firing order, turn to Haynes Manuals. When you need torque specs, Haynes will provide it. Ditto for wiring diagrams and removing the bezzel from around the gear shifter.

But parenting? I'd just sum it up this way: Intermittent problem, may lead to short fuse, no further explanation available.

[DIY Repairs] [Haynes Repair Manual] [Parenting]

For Your Information

I'm just getting around to sorting through all the paperwork I received in Cleveland.

Tucked in with the pages on Nutrition Guidelines to Improve Wound Healing and Using an Incentive Spirometer, is information about the gastric stimulator itself.

Among the info sheets, I received the Installation and Technical Manual as well as the Patient Reference Manual for the Enterra Gastric Stimulator that was implanted.

click image to enlarge

The technology of the gastric stimulator originated in The Netherlands. Since the package includes a hex wrench, I'm guessing the chief engineer was from Sweden!

At least it's got a 1-year warranty against defects!

[Gastric Pacemaker] [Gastroparesis]

[The Cleveland Clinic] [IKEA]

Survey Says...

Finding it hard to provide a clever post just now.
Here's an update to tide you over a day or two.

Gloria has less than a month to get the gazebo painted!

[Original Post]

Poll Results

Is it Acceptable to Replace Chris's Vote Completely?
Yes-there is a consequence	18%
No-we all make mistakes	24%
It's Gloria's turn to paint the Gazebo	59%

Please don't forget about this:

Wish Counter

739 wishes were made

6147 wishes were sponsored

Gifter.org

[How to... Answers] [Million Dollar Blog]

How To Do Anything

Noise Filter

John's been driving his newer car for over a week. I asked him if everything was OK with it. "Yeah. It's OK." He paused.
"It sounds like there's a but coming," I said. "Well, it's just that there's this noise. It's not all the time. It's there when I back out of the driveway. And then it's just intermittent. This sounds stupid, but the noise reminds me of a creaky spring. I don't know what it is," he finished.

Two years ago, I drove to meet John to switch cars. I got into his car, pulled out of the parking lot and heard a noise. A clunk and a screech. I took my foot off the accelerator to see if I could hear it again. BAM! The car stopped and dropped at the right front corner. "What the..." I got out to see what was up. The wheel had fallen off. I looked at the angle of the wheel to the ground and surmised a broken ball joint. There had been a noise in the car that he hadn't mentioned. He's improving.

When we went to the store later, John drove. He turned off the radio so we could listen for the noise. I heard it. It was coming from the right rear. It did sound like a spring. Hmmm. We listened some more. I missed it one time because I was relating this story:

There was a time that I was the Manager of Automotive Parts and Service at a retail outlet. A customer called me, concerned about a noise she was hearing after having front and rear brakes replaced the previous day. After the repairs were completed, she drove the vehicle home. Her husband then drove the car. She was driving it for the first time this day. The noise wasn't present yesterday. I asked her to describe the noise. When did she hear it? Did it ever change or go away? I invited her to come to the store so I could take it for a test drive with her. On the drive, I heard the noise too. It was an odd rattling sound. Not quite a rattle, and not a rumble. We drove to the next block. I leaned forward and touched the brakes. I heard it louder. I did it again but went harder on the pedal. I reached down, opened the ashtray and removed a golf ball. No more noise.

John pulled into the driveway and I heard that 'sproing' clear as a bell. "You know what that sounds like?" I asked as I got out of the car. "Yep, here's the noise," I said from the rear of the car, as I tightened the antenna.

No more noise.

Carpet Bombing?

A van went screaming up the street, slowed at the stop sign then raced to the light. Emblazened on the side of the vehicle was the logo and name of a carpet and floor cleaning company along with "Emergency Response Unit".

I have to ask, when does carpet/floor cleaning require an Emergency Response Unit?
Imagine this scenario:

"Good afternoon, thank you for calling Our Carpet Cleaning Company. How may I help you?"

[panic stricken] "Oh my gosh! I just spilled red wine on my carpet and the Governor General is coming to dinner tonight. Can you help me?"

"We'll be right there! Stay where you are. Don't touch anything! We're on our way."

A crew puts on their teflon protected jackets, jumps into the specially-equipped Econoline, hits the siren and speeds away!

Puh-lease!
[Carpet Cleaning] [Emergency Response]

Front Page, Very Random

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Stonewash in Vogue

Friday. This afternoon I'm putting the second stone-coat on the porch. If I get the second coat on today, then John can apply the sealer on Sunday. I don't feel that great, but if I don't want to be the one to apply the sealer (I don't), the stone has to be finished today. The only catch is that I can't do it until after I take Jessica to work. That's fine. I've run the meds and some fluid, changed into my Huck Finn shorts. I'm good to go.

It's hot. And I'm putting this stone coat down quickly. Like my Mom would say, I was working. Got a good rhythm and pattern to doing it. Risers looks great. Very pleased with how they came out. Just about done. There, done. Stand back to admire. The product was different than I expected, but it looks good.

What's this? Rain? Should be ok. It's barely a sprinkle and the stone coating will be fine as long as it doesn't rain into the porch, i.e. to the south. Not too worried. Putting the tools away, and now it's pouring. It's a deluge and its hammering the door which means it is, in fact, raining into the porch. Towards the south. And the windows are down on the car. And the windows are open in the house. I've got to go around the house in through the sliding door. And back out. I'm soaked.

It's toast. The porch is washed out. The risers? Don't even ask. Darn it! Darn it! Darn it! Fifteen minutes and the rain is done, the sun is out. I'll see what it looks like after it dries. Maybe stonewash is making a comeback.

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Three Easy Steps

The Delta kitchen faucet "installs in 3 easy steps". The map-like fold-out instructions indicate 4 steps. I ignored this blatant warning.
According to Delta, it will take about 1 hr to install the new faucet. I had an hour and it needed to be done. Besides, I've done this before.
After 1 hour, I had the cupboard cleared out, wrenches ready. Turn off the water supply. Check. Remove old faucet. Check. Another hour gone. Laying inside the cupboard, not a great idea. But once the old tap's out, there's no turning back.
Install the new one. Check. Connect the water supply. Check.
Turn on the water. Ooops, turn off the water. Get old towels to soak up water. Get flashlight. Get batteries for flashlight. Confirm location of leak. Lay in the cupboard. Keep the bucket handy. Tape and tighten. Rest. Tighten. Rest. Tighten. Rest. Design feather-light-weight wrenches in your mind. No....more....strength.
Turn on water supply. Note very minor leak at one supply tube. Tape with duct tape. Call Joe. Reflect upon his statement that wearing baggy pants doesn't make you a plumber.

Along comes Lju. Turns off water. Tightens connection. Turns water supply on. Done. Three easy steps.

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