October 25, 2008

Mixed Message


Can I rent an apartment or not?

September 15, 2008

Herb Alpert Still a Chart Topper

The Giving Back Fund has released its list of Most Generous Celebrities. GBF looked at public records of donations in 2007 and ranked the stars' philanthropy. Oprah Winfrey tops the generosity chart, donating more than $50 million to various charities throughout 2007.

Herb Alpert is ranked #2 in giving, surpassing the benevolence of power couple Brangelina (6), Hugh Hefner (14) and Tiger Woods (18).

The Herb Alpert Foundation sponsors awards in the arts ranging from elementary students through to fellowships for professionals. At California Institute of the Arts, the foundation provides annual fellowships of $50,000 to five artists.

In 2006, Herb Alpert released a re-mastered version of Whipped Cream and Other Delights. It went to #5 on Billboard's Jazz Chart.
Herb Alpert and former business partner Jerry Moss received the Lifetime Achievement Award and were inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Forty-six years after The Lonely Bull broke into the top 10 and Alpert's still there. Makes me wonder where Chuck Mangione is.

GBF'S 10 Most Generous Celebrities
1. Oprah Winfrey
2. Herb Alpert
3. Barbra Streisand
4. Paul Newman
5. Mel Gibson
6. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt
7. (tie) Lance Armstrong
7. (tie) Michael Jordan
7. (tie) Eric Lindros
10. Rush Limbaugh

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September 05, 2008

Pepe 1 Buddy 0

The dog was going crazy. From midnight to one, he was whining at the kitchen window then dashing to the patio door, then running into the laundry room, then back to whine at the window some more. It was obvious that something was in the yard, but I wasn't letting him out to investigate or chase.

Shortly after 1:00 a.m., I opened the door and let him go. He leapt to the ground over the stairs and ran up one side of the house, then bolted to the back corner. Then down the fence to the other corner. Across the back again and around the other side of the house. His nose was to the ground and his shoulders were hunched as he tracked the uninvited visitor's steps around the yard. He sped around the perimeter 5 times before settling in the middle of the yard. He was alert and watchful, but appeared convinced that he'd have no trouble.

After about 10 minutes, I called him to come in, but he didn't budge.   Suddenly, he bolted up one side of the house. I heard an odd wail near the gate and Buddy came back to his spot in the lawn. I called him again, but he was staring between the houses. I looked but couldn't see anything.

I went out to bring him inside when he bolted up the side of the house again. Again I heard the wail and Buddy returned to his post, apparently satisfied that he'd kept it  at bay. I went back inside.

In less than a minute, he high-tailed it back up the yard to the gate. This time when he came back to the middle of the yard, he was diving into the grass, rolling around frantically and rubbing his face with his paws. He was snorting and coughing and diving and rolling.

Now he thought he should come inside.

He had to have met a skunk up at the gate, but it didn't smell like typical skunkiness. He pushed past me at the door, then dove into the carpet and rolled around frantically and rubbed his face with his paws. In the living room. In the dining room. In the hall.

I wondered if tomato juice was a valid remedy; not that it mattered, because we didn't have any. I had to get the stink-bombed Buddy out of the house so I could think. (I find it hard to be logical when I'm holding my breath that long.)
I decided that I needed to do 3 things: first neutralize the odor from the spray, then eliminate the odor, then wash it out of his fur.

I decided to try some old stand-bys.  I took vinegar (neutralize), baking soda (get rid of the smell) and soap (wash fur) out to the patio. I filled a bucket with some warm water for rinsing and took an empty bucket out for mixing.

I put a couple drops of soap into the bucket, added some vinegar and held the dog tightly before shaking in the baking soda. As the mixture erupted, I scrubbed it into the dog's fur and face. After a rinse, he smelled better, but it was still pretty bad.

I did it all again. Scrub, rinse, repeat. Around 3:15 a.m. I was done. Buddy seemed embarrassed at having been skunked.

Indoors needed some odor removal too. I sprinkled baking soda everywhere the dog had been inside. I let it soak up the smell for a bit then hauled out the vacuum to finish the job.

Yep, that was me vacuuming in the middle of the night.

Had I bothered to check online for a de-skunking remedy, I would have found EHow's instructions. Out of the list of required 'tools', we had only the cotton swabs, baking soda, dish soap, garden hose and rubber gloves.  I would need to make a 2:00 a.m. run to the store for
- Tomato Juice
- Dog Grooming Sprays
- Commercially Prepared Skunk Odor Removers
- Dog Conditioner
- 4 c. hydrogen peroxide (that's gotta hurt!)
- Dr. Bronner's Bar Soap
- Kiss My Face Shampoo and Crème Rinse
- Douche (?What? Why? Never mind, I don't want to know.)

I don't follow any recipe if it has more than 5 ingredients!
Here's poor Buddy, 12 hours post-skunking.  I swear he's frowning.

Robert Lowell's Skunk Hour

August 30, 2008

April Day! Alitalia Si È Rotto

On August 1, airline industry analysts warned that high fuel costs were threatening to bankrupt more than 50 European airlines. The same day, The Financial Times reported that delivery of a rescue proposal for Italy's Alitalia Airlines would be delayed due to stalled merger negotiations. Days later, Silvio Berlusconi, Italy's Prime Minister, promised to save Alitalia from bankruptcy. 'We will perform another miracle and will offer a profitable national company, he said'. The Italian government owns 49% of Alitalia. The ensuing three weeks were filled with rumors of new investors and partners to save the troubled airline; until Thursday when it was confirmed that Alitalia had filed for bankruptcy protection.

You need to know that Alitalia history and Pavlov's Theory of Classical Conditioning to understand the impact this airline industry turbulence has had on me.

Anytime I hear the words Alitalia Airlines, the song Eh Cumpari plays in my head. The Italian novelty-song from the 1950's is about the different instruments from the orchestra playing the song. Julius La Rosa sang it, backed by Archie Bleyer's band. It's The Gaylords' cover of La Rosa's #1 hit that plays in my head. (I could only find La Rosa's version to put here.
for your entertainment).

Say "Alitalia" and I hear the whistle of the friscalettu; the toota of the saxofona; the pling of the mandulin; the zing of the viulin; the poppa-pop of the trumbetta and the story told during the extended instrumental bridge. It goes something like this:

I received a letter from my Uncla Guisseppe.
He tella me he heard from my Uncla Pasquale. Pasquale, he fly, he fly right into Italia. Onna big plane, he fly right into Italy.
They be in the air about 20 minutes an' the pilot, he come onto the radio.
"Hello, this is your cap-i-tan speaking. I just wonna tella you that earlier, we had a little bitta' trouble. Its-a all o.k. now, but I juss wanna to letta you know."
He be in the air about another 20 minutes an' the pilot, he come onto the radio.
"Hello, this is your cap-i-tan speaking. I just wonna tella you that we hadda a little bit more trouble. Its-a all o.k. now, but I juss wanna to letta you know."
He be in the air about another 20 minutes an' the pilot, he come onto the radio again.
"April Day! April Day! This is your cap-i-tan. We havin' a bigga trouble right now. We gonna haff to make a splash-down landing. All of the passengers, iffa you know how to swim, go to the right side of the airplane. All of the passengers, iffa you don't know how to swim, you go to the left side of the airplane.
After we hit the water, the people on the right - I tella you - you know how to swim, you swim to shore. We juss about 20 miles from shore. You gonna be o.k. The people on the left, those of you who do not know how to swim - I tella you - thanks a lot for flying Alitalia Airlines. (chorus)


I keep hearing on the news that Alitalia's bankrupt, but what I really hear is Tippity-Tippity-Ta!

   
   

August 24, 2008

And They Lived Happily Ever After

After Moya Dillon's article in Oshawa This Week, my parents received a telephone message outlining the dwarfs' location. No gravelly-voiced ransom demand - the caller didn't know how the figures were acquired, just where to find them.

Doc, Sleepy, Grumpy, Sneezy, Bashful and Bambi's friend, Bimbo are back at Summers End.



Unfortunately, Dopey didn't make it back. I hope it means he's lost, not that he's come to any harm.

The recovered dwarfs and Bimbo appeared to have been treated well by their captors. Happy beamed a brighter smile as his brothers were asked to comment and provide details of their experience.

"Mush," complained Grumpy, as he shrugged off a hug.
"I'm sleepy," yawned Sleepy.
Sneezy chimed in with a very loud "Ah-choo,".
Bashful whispered that he was embarrassed by all the attention.
"We are grateful to everyone who facilitated our return," Doc declared. "We are happy to be home."

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August 22, 2008

Finding Hope In A Strange Place

It ain't easy. It ain't easy.
Well all the people have got their problems,
That ain't nothing new.
With the help of the good Lord
We can all pull on through
.

(written by Ron Davies,
performed by David Bowie on The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars)


It sure ain't easy.
It must be August since Andrew had surgery again; but it's all good, because I found Hope where I least expected it -
the refrigerator.

I was making a path to get something from the back of the fridge. I shifted the bag of meds to on top of the milk, moved the bowl of melon salad up one shelf, relocated the yogurt containers closer the juice carton and there it was:

OK, so it's just a magnetic word tile, but surely it is a sign.

Usually the word tiles are put together like this on the fridge door:

I am fuzzy with cheer and we be sunny giggle

Right now, we have he is Goofy and

I AM Lucky
Amazing Special and Silly

It has to be a sign; because two days later, I saw this:

You don't have to clobber me over the head.

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Grammarians Gone Wild

Jeff Deck and Benjamin Herson, pleaded guilty to vandalism after damaging an historic, hand-painted sign at Grand Canyon National Park. On March 28, they were accused of using a whiteout product and a permanent marker to deface a sign that's a National Historic Landmark.
Investigators learned of the vandalism from an Internet site operated by Deck on behalf of the Typo Eradication Advancement League, or TEAL.
According to the Internet posting, TEAL members correct typos on public signs. (The TEAL site is currently unavailable) Original and corrected signs are photographed and posted at the site. A detailed map tracks the progress of the grammar vigilantes' cross-country crusade.
In addition to being banned from national parks for a year, the two are barred from modifying any public signs and must pay restitution to repair the Grand Canyon sign.
Read more...

Errors on public signs irritate me too, but I wouldn't deface a national monument in the name of good grammar. What kind of sentence includes being barred from modifying any public sign?

I have never experienced a 'whiteout emergency'; maybe I don't truly have a type-o personality.


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August 21, 2008

Happy's Saga Continues...

The kidnapped dwarf story has been picked up by the main-stream media:
(Click photo to read article)

The online article has a different headline...good thing, because it's killing me to leave this one alone...

August 06, 2008

A Grimm Discovery

On Friday, my parents took their coffee at the cafe on the grounds of Summers End. They surveyed the yard and noticed something amiss.
Over there in the NE corner of the lot where the playhouse stands... where was Snow White?

They walked to the playhouse and were horrified to discover 6 of their concrete dwarfs were missing.
The 40" Snow White figure had been knocked down, but at least she was still there. Somebody kidnapped the dwarfs!

Doc, Grumpy, Sneezy, Sleepy, Bashful and Dopey - all of them gone! Only Happy was left behind. (Unfortunately, an horrific accident left Happy a double-amputee several years ago).

Snow White and the seven dwarfs have been friends of the playhouse for at least 25 years. They've been a part of the Wild parties, Family Picnics, Wayne Day and several weddings. They're family - the children of the house after The Original 6 moved out.

Every few years, my Dad would cart each dwarf to the garage where my Mom would painstakingly repaint him. Once sealed and dry, my Dad would carry each concrete man back to his place. Snow White received an ultra deluxe spa treatment, including chemical peel (old paint removal), deep facial line treatment (filling weathered areas) and microdermabrasion (sanding) before hitting makeup and wardrobe.

Two fawns, Bambi and Bimbo, are usually placed as if they'd just left the cornfield - heading toward the playhouse. Bimbo was also missing.

In order to execute the robbery, the dwarf-nappers had to park on the shoulder of the road, climb the fence, walk to the playhouse area, pick up the concrete statue (you need 2 people to carry Bimbo), carry it back


(enlarge to view getaway route)

down the yard, over the fence, down the hill at the ditch to the waiting car...seven times! There's been too much rain to drive through the field without getting stuck. {Aside: Escape through the field after a rain was attempted once. Once. You noticed I said 'attempted'?}

"I miss them," my Dad told me yesterday when I visited the homestead. "I miss you too," he quickly added lest I be offended.
So deep is the loss that he can't bear to whistle while he works in the yard.
Come to think of it, the wind wasn't whistling through the trees either.

As for Happy, well I thought he looked quite lonely.

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July 20, 2008

A Week in Pictures

Whitewalls on a Navigator?
A closer look indicates the driver needs to work on curbside parking.



I'm not making this up. Three of these decorations were for sale at a local store...each with the same spelling mistake.




Are Jake and Elwood in town?




Building Technology - Workers use large rocks to hold concrete in place in Cleveland.


Recent photos of those plants previously described as
nearly-deadand dead
No flowers in the grass nowThese purple flowers were transplanted from Sandra's garden


Read about the Recent Cleveland Trip

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June 29, 2008

"Congrats On Not Failing"

Four hundred students formed the Titans' Class of 2008 at a ceremony held last week. Each grad was allotted two tickets to the ceremony, but an occasion this auspicious called for all 3 of us to attend. I thought I'd be able to get 1 additional person (Jessica) into the ceremony. We'd advised grandparents that seating was restricted, and we knew it would be nearly impossible to smuggle 4 more people in.

We decided that John and Jessica would use the tickets. "I'm Andrew's Mom," ought to have been enough to get me into the gym. At the door, two bouncers directed me to wait along the wall. Apparently, being Andrew's mom didn't hold the gravitas of 'I'm with the band'.

Some of us who were waiting along the wall might be allowed in if space permitted, after everyone had taken their seats. If not, I was welcome to watch the ceremony via CCTV in the auditorium.

Soon, an unused single ticket was turned over to the door security. Since I was the only 'single' waiting along the wall, I was allowed to pass. From our seats in the 2nd-last row I could see a bit of the stage apron.

John snapped this picture before Andrew walked up on the stage to receive his diploma. Folder in hand, Andrew then walked down the stairs and along the aisle where John was waiting for the grand close-up......but the battery didn't have enough charge to use the camera.

For your benefit, I've outlined Andrew in the queue (click photo to enlarge). Take my word for it, he received his diploma; hence the headline - a quote from Jessica's praises to her brother after the ceremony.

June 23, 2008

Sign Of The Apostrophe


From this sign, I understand that a person named JOB is looking for work.

Suggested reading for the employment agency that posted this sign:

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June 07, 2008

You Are A Genius!

blog readability test

This blog is rated at Genius.
You read this blog.
Ergo, you are a genius!
SummaryValue
Total sentences (landing page)1069
Total words (landing page)4065
Words with 1 Syllable2025
Words with 2 Syllables892
Words with 3 Syllables519
Words with 4 or more Syllables629
Percentage of word with three or more syllables28.24%
Average Syllables per Word1.94
Gunning Fog Index12.82
Flesch-Kincaid Grade8.77

The Gunning-Fog Index and Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level results indicate approximately how many years of schooling it would take someone to understand the content.



Gunning-Fog Index Algorithm =
(average_words_sentence + number_words_three_syllables_plus) * 0.4
Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level Algorithm =
(0.39 * average_words_sentence) + (11.8 * average_syllables_word) - 15.9


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June 05, 2008

Put Away the 'Discrimination' Placards

Stacey Fearnall, a waitress at Nathaniel's Restaurant in Owen Sound, was laid off after she shaved her hair off in a local fundraiser for a cancer charity.

The 36-year-old raised almost $2,700 in pledges over four months and then had her thick, red locks shaved off in a local Cops for Cancer event on the weekend...When she showed up for work Tuesday at Nathaniel's restaurant in Owen Sound, an upscale eatery, her employers told her to take the summer off -- without pay.     (Full article...)

In April, Fearnall approached owners Jeff Ferris and Dan Hilliard. They told Fearnall "they would not be pleased" if she shaved her head in the fundraiser. They encouraged her to participate in a way that would not affect her job at Nathaniel's.

At first, I thought this was a case of a woman who lost her job because of her cancer.
That would be discrimination.
That's not what happened here at all.

Rather, and despite being warned, Fearnall chose to participate in the fundraiser by shaving her head. Removing her hair violated Nathaniel's dress code standard for employees. They're allowed to outline acceptable standards. Tim Horton's doesn't allow visible piercings. Show up for a shift with a nose stud and you'll be sent home. McDonald's doesn't allow a visible tattoo; cover it or go home.

And she wasn't fired. She was laid off until she was able to comply with the company's expectations. Hilliard offered some accommodations to her, by suggesting she cover her head - a hat appropriate to the restaurant's ambiance would have been sufficient - and return to work.

If Fearnall lost her hair due to alopecia, chemotherapy or any unavoidable circumstances, and was fired my reaction would be completely different.

Sorry, but I can't turn the wheel of sympathy for her. She made her choice - the fundraiser over her job. She knew that consequences at work were likely. Ferris and Hilliard are just following through.

Poorly handled? For sure. Discrimination? No.

I commend her on the contribution to the fundraising...but the charity should have come up with a different name - Cops for Cancer? Are the police in Grey-Bruce really FOR cancer?


 
 


Photo by: James Masters (Owen Sound Sun Times)

June 04, 2008

Schools Advised to Reject Middle Class

Professor John White, a member of a committee established to advise on curriculum changes in the U.K., will explain the suggestion that 'middle class' academic subjects should be removed from the national curriculum in junior high schools.

Children should no longer be taught traditional subjects at school because they are "middle-class" creations, the advisory panel concluded. Lessons should instead cover a series of personal skills.
Pupils would no longer study history, geography and science but learn skills such as energy-saving and civic responsibility through projects and themes.
     ..the full article..
Energy conservation is a meaningful unit within a broader science course; ecology and conservation belong in geography; civic responsibility lessons are a by-product of studying history. It's necessary to understand how the past influences the present and predicts the future.


Available at chapters.indigo.ca
Geography, history, science and the arts are underfunded in education now - partly because funding levels consider student achievement on standardized tests. The standard tests focus on English and Math, yet an entire generation struggles with arithmetic, grammar, reading comprehension and writing.

The panel's report claims that 'the aims [of changing the curriculum] include fostering a model pupil who "values personal relationships, is a responsible and caring citizen, is entrepreneurial, able to manage risk and committed to sustainable development".'

I support these goals, but I don't understand how removing social sciences is going to achieve them; however, I see there may be a buyer for my proposed course on Communication for Youth.

Among the units covered in my suggested class would be Communicating in Spontaneous Situations (Small Talk) and Conventions of Conversation.
The course would cover initiating, participating in and ending conversations. We'd discuss using humor, irony and sarcasm effectively, as well as the importance of thinking before speaking.

I can't decide if Communication for Youth will be a prerequisite or co-requisite of my proposed Common Sense 101.
I'll see what Professor White and his pals think.

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June 03, 2008

Prank Turns Into Pane in the A$$

Three men in The Netherlands ran down a street in Utrecht with their pants pulled down in the back 'for a joke' ... At one point the 21-year-old 'pushed his behind against the window of a restaurant' that broke and resulted in 'deep wounds to his derriere.'    (More...)

The owner of the restaurant did not press charges after the men agreed to pay for the repairs to the window.
This would be a great story if the restaurant happened to be called The Full Moon Cafe.

No doubt, the unnamed 21-year old will be the butt of jokes from his friends for a while.

The Devil's in the moon for mischief [Lord Byron (from Don Juan)]

Addendum 6-4-08: I can't help but wonder, if this had occurred in a more litigious country, would the Mooner sue the restaurant for faulty glass resulting in the serious injury to his butt?

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May 28, 2008

Coming Soon: Carbon Underground

A U.K. government sub-committee has a new proposal to reduce emissions.

"The influential Environmental Audit Committee says a personal carbon trading scheme is the best and fairest way of cutting Britain's CO2 emissions without penalising the poor.
Under the scheme, everyone would be given an annual carbon allowance to use when buying oil, gas, electricity and flights.
Anyone who exceeds their entitlement would have to buy top-up credits from individuals who haven't used up their allowance."    (More...)


To protect citizens against rising food costs, food ration cards for the poor were suggested in Russia just two weeks ago. The recommendation was sent back to the committee for more review as present-day paradigms of ration strategies were criticized as inefficient.

Experts point to the cost and bureaucracy involved to administer such a plan as primary flaws, but I see the potential for something worse: black market carbon trading and carbon credit identity theft. In 1941, rations were introduced to help manage the economy during WWII and the black market for unused ration coupons flourished.

Diabolical thinkers are probably already conjuring plans to control the worldwide supply of carbon credits.

Control carbon credits,

Control the world!

(insert evil laugh here)

What effect will the carbon credit underground have on Chicago's Climate Exchange (CCX), the world's first legitimate emission exchange?

Today's Climate Consideration: Isn't one who supports the carbon offset industry really a pro-polluter?

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May 20, 2008

Proposed Law in Hamilton is Profane

Mark Nimigan, Vice-Chair of Hamilton's Police Services Board, says that cleaning up the city's downtown is a priority.
At Tuesday's board meeting, Nimigan proposed the city criminalize the use of obscene language in public.   (more...)

He argued that issuing fines to people who use profanity in public, in particular downtown and within the city's parks, would reduce the objectionable behavior.
Mr. Nimigan did not comment on issues related to enforcement of his proposal. When informed of the suggested regulation, I wouldn't have blamed Chief Mullan if he'd muttered '$#!+' before giving an official response.

Never mind that HPSB met in-camera yesterday to discuss 12 alleged sexual harassment charges faced by an officer - this proposed crackdown on cussing can only mean one thing:

the city has solved all other @*!#% problems in its universe.

The proposed Anti-Swearing Statute was the lead on the local newscast.
chapters.indigo.ca

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May 15, 2008

Contrast for Effective Outdoor Signs




Here's what I don't get:

If I'm using their
laser hair removal
service, why would I
only want 50% of it removed?






This featured sign was not provided by



Where The World Goes For Signs

(they'll ensure your signs convey a clear message)

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May 05, 2008

Garden Variety Spring Games

Spring!
Burrowing animals venture out from their hollows. Sounds of birds chirping welcome each day. The snow is gone; the increasing hours of daylight promise the temperature will continue to rise. The nights are cool (sometimes downright cold), but the bright sun during the day atones for that.

Gardeners eagerly turn the soil in their flower beds to encourage new growth of plants.

Around here, it's time for the Annual Spring Gardening Game that I call
Dead or Alive. Take a look:

Dead
Mostly Dead
Alive
but undesirable

Alive!
One Single Flower


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April 28, 2008

Bawling for Blessings


Crying sumo is a blessing for healthy growth of the child.
I don't understand the competition of this. Is there a wail-off to determine the loudest crier of all babies presented? What prize does the loudest crier receive?

"I love winners when they cry, losers when they try." (Tom T. Hall)
Available at chapters.indigo.ca


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April 25, 2008

Confession: I'm Not Good Friend

I've got a page on Facebook. I've got Facebook Friends.

But I'm a terrible Web 2.0 friend.

A while ago, someone apparently hacked into my Facebook account and sent out some notes, wall posts and video links that were unusual.

I was alerted to the breach when a said friend contacted me to explain my recent Graffiti on the Superwall. I told the friend "That you were Poked, Super Poked, received a wall post, were invited to add an application or take a quiz by me on Facebook, is 'unusual'."

I reviewed my settings, changed my password and secured my page. Occasionally, I have sent a legitimate video link (see right) or completed a quiz (car IQ) . Once I even sent a gift!

I don't know why I'm such a bad online friend; in the real world I'm not so negligent.
I'm respectful and kind. I remember birthdays, step in and help, and don't require.


Squidoo. Facebook. MySpace. Orkut. Twitter. BlogLog. Flickr. YouTube. Netvibe. Classmates.
I'll be your Web 2.0 friend. Mark my status low-maintenance.

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