Shoplifters' Rush Ends Up Sugar-Free

Kayla Raymond, 19, and Michael Kautz, 21, were detained after Wal-Mart employees in Hazel Dell, Washington reported a shoplifting incident early Thursday evening.
According to the report, the pair had not paid for a SOBE^® energy drink and a vibrating condom that were found in their possession. (Article...)

Just to make sure that I understand ...
Wal-Mart^® sells vibrating condoms, but censors its CD product mix?

Tags: [Kayla Raymond]  [Michael Kautz]
[Wal-Mart]   [SoBe Energy Drinks]
[Censorship]   [Safe Sex]

Heated Argument Ends In Gore

Ashley Sherlinki, of Luzerne County, PA was arrested and charged with simple assault and harassment Sunday night after she allegedly impaled her boyfriend, Eric Dixon, with a meat thermometer. Read More...

Sherlinki threw the thermometer when Dixon opened the door, after she'd been banging on the door. The nature of her beef was not revealed in the article.

I've no doubt that West Wyoming Police grilled Sherlinki in the interrogation room during the investigation.
The media is likely to skewer Sherlinki, as this type of event is rare in Wyoming PA, a town of about 3400.
I'm certain that Sherlinki will express some degree of remorse at her court appearance later this month.
Her goose is cooked!

Tags:  [Ashley Sherlinki]   [Eric Dixon]

[Wyoming, PA]
[Bad Puns]

64° of Separation

Bonbini.
Jessica and Makenzie returned from Aruba on Sunday evening. They spent the previous week with their grandparents on One Happy Island. Their snow white skin had become a modest light brown. How did they manage to choose between the beach, the pool or shopping? Easy - they did them all!

There was no close call on the bluffs and no keys-locked-in-the-car story. On their last night, Jess and Kenzie were thrilled to watch the Carnival Parade with Gramm and Bubb (and Gramm and Bubb deserve medals for being excited about it too, since standing around with 90,000 people isn't really their thing).

The girls said that the average temperature in Aruba was 50° C. It's actually closer to 32° (according to The Weather Channel ); but when one's comparing the weather in Aruba to the temperature in January back home, I see how it'd be easy to exaggerate.

Which brings me to the point I want to make - Jessica and Makenzie have gone from 32°C in Aruba to -32°C in Canada in 48 hours - 64 degrees.

For those who don't think in Celsius, that's a high of 90°F to -25°F (yes, I mean 25 below 0°F) ...and the title of this post for you is A 115° Turn.

Ayo.

Tags: [Aruba] [Weather in Ontario]
[The Weather Network]
[Six Degrees] [180 Degrees]

Bull In A China Store

A new shopping center is preparing for its grand opening in Nanjing, China.
So what, you ask?

H iPhone now available

Apparently Chinese fraud-repreneurs were tired of reproducing item look-a-likes. Each of the stores in this mall is a knock-off of a popular national franchise - "a McDonalds look-a-like burger bar called McDnoald’s, a Starbucks-style coffee shop called Bucksstar Coffee, and a wannabe Pizza Hut called Pizza Huh."   (Read more...)

Fact checker on staff here admits the story in The Mirror could be framed around photo-shop contest entries.
But if the mall does exist, then look for Burger King (under the Burger King banner) in the food court ... they've been selling edible material they call "food" for over 50 years.

Tags:[Shopping in Nanjing]   [Counterfeit products]

[McDonald's in China]   [Starbucks in China]

Read News about Fake Products

The O.J. Bar Is Closed

Donald Westlake, a prolific author considered one of the most successful and versatile mystery writers in the United States, has died. He was 75. (More...)

Donald E. Westlake was a great writer because he went from the gritty Parker to the comedy of Dortmunder with apparent ease. Fifteen of his stories were turned into movies, including Payback, The Hot Rock and Cops and Robbers. His screenplay for The Grifters earned him an Oscar nomination (which almost makes What's the Worst That Can Happen forgivable).

I passed Jimmy the Kid and The Hot Rock to my kids to read, the same way that I got the books from my Dad.
Dortmunder and his crew saved the O.J. in Watch Your Back. The single bare bulb hanging over the table in the back room is off now.
G'night, Rollo.

Order it from chapters.indigo.ca

It'd only be fitting if Westlake's funeral procession went up Rockaway Parkway and across Eastern to Grand Army Plaza, then right up Flatbush to the Manhattan Bridge. Traffic will be light on Third Avenue at 79th, especially compared to the West Side Highway. Get Real will be released in April.

Tags: [Donald E. Westlake]
[The Parker Series] [The Dortmunder Series]

Mixed Message

Can I rent an apartment or not?

Herb Alpert Still a Chart Topper

The Giving Back Fund has released its list of Most Generous Celebrities. GBF looked at public records of donations in 2007 and ranked the stars' philanthropy. Oprah Winfrey tops the generosity chart, donating more than $50 million to various charities throughout 2007.

Herb Alpert is ranked #2 in giving, surpassing the benevolence of power couple Brangelina (6), Hugh Hefner (14) and Tiger Woods (18).

The Herb Alpert Foundation sponsors awards in the arts ranging from elementary students through to fellowships for professionals. At California Institute of the Arts, the foundation provides annual fellowships of $50,000 to five artists.

In 2006, Herb Alpert released a re-mastered version of Whipped Cream and Other Delights. It went to #5 on Billboard's Jazz Chart.
Herb Alpert and former business partner Jerry Moss received the Lifetime Achievement Award and were inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Forty-six years after The Lonely Bull broke into the top 10 and Alpert's still there. Makes me wonder where Chuck Mangione is.

GBF'S 10 Most Generous Celebrities
1. Oprah Winfrey
2. Herb Alpert
3. Barbra Streisand
4. Paul Newman
5. Mel Gibson
6. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt
7. (tie) Lance Armstrong
7. (tie) Michael Jordan
7. (tie) Eric Lindros
10. Rush Limbaugh

Tags: [Giving Back Fund] [Herb Alpert] [A & M Records]
[Oprah] [Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie]
[Rock'n'Roll Hall of Fame] [Jerry Moss]

Pepe 1 Buddy 0

The dog was going crazy. From midnight to one, he was whining at the kitchen window then dashing to the patio door, then running into the laundry room, then back to whine at the window some more. It was obvious that something was in the yard, but I wasn't letting him out to investigate or chase.

Shortly after 1:00 a.m., I opened the door and let him go. He leapt to the ground over the stairs and ran up one side of the house, then bolted to the back corner. Then down the fence to the other corner. Across the back again and around the other side of the house. His nose was to the ground and his shoulders were hunched as he tracked the uninvited visitor's steps around the yard. He sped around the perimeter 5 times before settling in the middle of the yard. He was alert and watchful, but appeared convinced that he'd have no trouble.

After about 10 minutes, I called him to come in, but he didn't budge.   Suddenly, he bolted up one side of the house. I heard an odd wail near the gate and Buddy came back to his spot in the lawn. I called him again, but he was staring between the houses. I looked but couldn't see anything.

I went out to bring him inside when he bolted up the side of the house again. Again I heard the wail and Buddy returned to his post, apparently satisfied that he'd kept it  at bay. I went back inside.

In less than a minute, he high-tailed it back up the yard to the gate. This time when he came back to the middle of the yard, he was diving into the grass, rolling around frantically and rubbing his face with his paws. He was snorting and coughing and diving and rolling.

Now he thought he should come inside.

He had to have met a skunk up at the gate, but it didn't smell like typical skunkiness. He pushed past me at the door, then dove into the carpet and rolled around frantically and rubbed his face with his paws. In the living room. In the dining room. In the hall.

I wondered if tomato juice was a valid remedy; not that it mattered, because we didn't have any. I had to get the stink-bombed Buddy out of the house so I could think. (I find it hard to be logical when I'm holding my breath that long.)
I decided that I needed to do 3 things: first neutralize the odor from the spray, then eliminate the odor, then wash it out of his fur.

I decided to try some old stand-bys.  I took vinegar (neutralize), baking soda (get rid of the smell) and soap (wash fur) out to the patio. I filled a bucket with some warm water for rinsing and took an empty bucket out for mixing.

I put a couple drops of soap into the bucket, added some vinegar and held the dog tightly before shaking in the baking soda. As the mixture erupted, I scrubbed it into the dog's fur and face. After a rinse, he smelled better, but it was still pretty bad.

I did it all again. Scrub, rinse, repeat. Around 3:15 a.m. I was done. Buddy seemed embarrassed at having been skunked.

Indoors needed some odor removal too. I sprinkled baking soda everywhere the dog had been inside. I let it soak up the smell for a bit then hauled out the vacuum to finish the job.

Yep, that was me vacuuming in the middle of the night.

Had I bothered to check online for a de-skunking remedy, I would have found EHow's instructions. Out of the list of required 'tools', we had only the cotton swabs, baking soda, dish soap, garden hose and rubber gloves.  I would need to make a 2:00 a.m. run to the store for

- Tomato Juice
- Dog Grooming Sprays
- Commercially Prepared Skunk Odor Removers
- Dog Conditioner
- 4 c. hydrogen peroxide (that's gotta hurt!)
- Dr. Bronner's Bar Soap
- Kiss My Face Shampoo and Crème Rinse
- Douche (?What? Why? Never mind, I don't want to know.)

I don't follow any recipe if it has more than 5 ingredients!
Here's poor Buddy, 12 hours post-skunking.  I swear he's frowning.

Robert Lowell's Skunk Hour
[Dog Sprayed by Skunk]
[Pepe Le Pew] [eHow.com]