He's a Good-Looking Man

Last week, I complimented my mother on losing weight. "In fact," I told her, "I think you're slimmer today, then at our wedding." We'd recently had the photo albums out at our place, so I knew this to be true.
My Mom got out her album of our wedding and we looked at the snaps. "Yeah, maybe. Oh, I don't know," she hesitated. "Who's that? Oh, look at Kara, Kayne and Shannon!" Subject changed. We discussed the hall, the decorations, the day.

My Dad was now flipping through the pictures. "What year was that?" he asked. "1990," I replied. Mom and I had moved the conversation along.

"I looked great," my father reflected out loud. "I'm a good-looking man. Yes, I am."

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This Should Hurt

About 10 days ago, I started having a problem with a tooth. When someone has severe stomach problems, good oral health is hard to achieve and maintain. I finally decided to have it checked out.

My own dentist is on vacation, but his Associate checks this for me. "Does it hurt?" he asks. I describe it as uncomfortable, but not painful. He looks at the tooth again. "Are you sure this hasn't been hurting?"
"It's not painful," I assure him.
"This should hurt," he tells me. And repeats himself. His Chair Assistant is nodding throughout the exchange.

He proceeds to fix it. He isn't certain he'll be able to do all that is required, but does all he can. "If you feel spontaneous pain in your tooth, you need to let me know right away," he warns. For the rest of that day, when I feel pain in my tooth, I try to analyze it. Sure, I have pain now, but isn't that because I'd had dental instruments poking around for an hour. That's just to be expected.

One problem with having chronic pain is that you don't notice all pain. I add pain to the inventory of things wrong that I carry around. I really don't know what's caused by injury or spontaneous.

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Just What I Knee-ded

I've given the xrays, the DVD of the MRI, and ultrasound of my knee to the Orthopedist. He reviews them and reads the reports. I describe to him the problems I experience with my knee and we discuss the location/incidence of pain and swelling.

"The findings of the investigations are consistent with what you are telling me." Point to Chris for credibility.

"Your knee isn't the worst that I've ever seen. The only way to resolve it, is through surgery. You are a terrible candidate for surgical intervention. A routine procedure becomes very high risk for you. And this isn't an emergency; it's completely elective." Point to Doc.

We agree to stabilize it in a brace. He suggests a product to reduce swelling. I can't tell if it's latex-free. He doesn't know, so he gives me one to sample only. He says he would like to offer some anti-inflammatories as part of the treatment, but since I'm allergic to NSAIDS, he can't even suggest a topical that may help. Even topicals have a degree of systemic effect. I did not know this.

I learn that for the brace to work properly, I have to put the buttress in a particular spot. Problem is, that spot is the central pain site. At least I'll know if I've got it on right.

It's definitely supporting the knee. But I can't cheat-walk anymore. Cheat-walk is the term I use to describe how one changes her gait and stride to compensate for tears in the cartilage and tendons of her knee. When one cheat-walks, pain is reduced. Granted, it probably causes other problems by loading stress or something, but the primary benefit is pain management.

Day one: Brace in position for 12 hrs.
Knee lock up incidents during that time: One.
That is an improvement of 11 lockups over the same time period.

Day two: 12 hrs.
Knee lock ups: One.
I can live with that. Maybe the pain will improve too. I'm on it too much right now to really judge any improvement.

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Call My Family

My family's largest fault is that we do not ask for help. So, when someone does ask, it means he or she really needs it. Several months ago, Michelle was admonishing me for not asking for help. She said that there would never be a circumstance when you couldn't call your family for help.

"Well," I said "If a bus runs me over, I would not refuse the help of strangers and ask them to call my family to help instead."
"OK," she agreed, "but that is probably the only circumstance. Now, promise that you wouldn't accept help from the strangers only after you try to lift the bus by yourself."

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Straight-Talk

When: A summer Sunday.
Where: Jeremy's and Sarah's cottage.
What: A Conversation with my brother
Their place is beautiful. On the lake. Walkouts on every side of the house, upstairs and down. The weather that day was perfect for just sitting outside, and doing nothing. I don't see Jay very often. He tells me that I look good. I don't look like I'm fading away anymore. I tell him it continues to be a struggle. He asks what I want. I tell him I want to feel well. I want to get my life back. I want my clothes to fit again.

"Well," he asks plainly, "why don't you just have your jeans taken in a couple of inches?"

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